Chaz, a single man from Brooklyn, had always envisioned having children. Growing up in a close-knit Jewish community, he was surrounded by family-centric values his whole life and always assumed he’d have a family of his own one day. When he came out as gay in his late 20s, it didn’t diminish his dreams of being a dad – instead, it reshaped his path to parenthood.
Embracing Solo Parenthood
By his mid-30s, Chaz found himself single while many of his gay friends were starting families, often with the help of surrogates. Feeling inspired by their stories, Chaz began to contemplate becoming a parent on his own. “This idea of a two-parent family is kind of archaic,” he thought. Confident that he could raise a child solo, he decided to pursue surrogacy.
Navigating The Surrogacy Process
After attending a Men Having Babies conference in 2018, Chaz connected with a fertility clinic in Portland, Oregon, that his friends recommended. Eager to take the first step, he underwent a physical exam and started saving money for the surrogacy process. He took on freelance consulting work and received financial support from family and a grant from a Jewish nonprofit.
With the arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic, Chaz moved back to his parents’ house, saving him tens of thousands of dollars in rent. In 2021, he moved into a rent-stabilized apartment in the Upper West Side, ideal for a baby. His research indicated that surrogacy would take about two years, so he set the goal of having a child by 40.
Finding An Egg Donor And Surrogate
Chaz formalized his relationship with the Portland clinic in 2022, then began the search for an egg donor. The pandemic made it challenging, with travel restrictions limiting donor availability. His criteria were simple: someone he found attractive and interesting, with a willingness to be contacted in the future. After months of searching, he finally found a donor whose heartfelt profile resonated with him.
Through Brownstone Surrogacy, led by Jarret Zafran, Chaz was matched with Jill, a fertility doula from Rochester, New York. Jill had personal experience with IVF and was committed to helping someone from the LGBTQ+ community. The match felt right, and they moved forward quickly.
The Transfer Process And Pregnancy
Chaz was both excited and anxious during the embryo transfer process. The first transfer didn’t take, but the second was successful. “Hearing the heartbeat was like, ‘Whoa, science is crazy,’” Chaz recalls. He kept news of the pregnancy within a small circle initially.
Welcoming Baby Lia
After a long labor, Chaz’s daughter, Lia, was finally born. The hospital staff was incredibly supportive, and the new dad could immediately feel the profound responsibility and joy of fatherhood. Naming his daughter was a significant moment, and he chose a name that had been on his list from the beginning.
Adjusting To Life As A Single Dad
The first night home was a challenge, but Chaz quickly adapted to life with a newborn. Friends and family provided support through meal trains and visits. However, Chaz preferred handling things himself, establishing a routine for him and Lia. While he faced the typical struggles of new parenthood, he thrived on the experience, enjoying every moment with his daughter.
Chaz’s journey to fatherhood through surrogacy exemplifies determination, love, and the evolving concept of family. His story is a testament to the possibilities of solo parenting and the profound connections that can be formed through modern reproductive technologies.
References: