Feature Editor
Yes.
That is, in just about all cases. Perhaps your situation meets one exception – which I’ll address in a moment.
There’s a reason why he is your ex. You two don’t work as a pair. That’s understood.
It’s probably better that you figured that out now anyway, before you invested too much more time in each other, and before your child came to know you both as his/her unhappily-together parents.
That being said, your romantic incompatibility as a couple should not dictate your child’s potential relationship with his/her father. We live in a world that’s abundant with mixed families, stepparents, and co-parenting. It’s not news that sometimes couples just don’t work out.
Be Bigger than Pettiness
But the child/parent relationship is something to be treasured. It should be kept separate from any pettiness and spite associated with failed relationships.
Whatever the reasons for your split may be, your ex-boyfriend has a right to be in his child’s life. Your role as a mother is to ensure that your little one is guided through the best opportunities that this life can give, and a relationship with his or her father undoubtedly qualifies as that.
We serve an extremely powerful role as women, and we cannot allow spite or doubt to blind us from making decisions that would benefit others, if not ourselves—especially when it comes to our children.
Don’t Use it to Get Him Back
Keep these reasons in mind and remember that the revelation of this fact should NOT be a last-ditch effort to amend your relationship. Should you both work through your differences as a result of this new situation, a reunion could always be possible, but the child’s best interest should be top priority, and therefore the only motivator for this sort of reveal.
Successful co-parenting occurs as a result of this prioritization. Countless couples may have failed romantically, but they’ve succeeded as teammates who acknowledge their parental roles and play them accordingly.
Even if your ex fails to step up, you can at least rest easy knowing that you put the ball in his court.
Consequences
If you take it upon yourself to keep this information from your ex, down the line, your child may come to resent you for your decision, especially once they become fully aware of their situation and witness the father figures present in their friends’ lives.
Even if you re-marry and another man fulfills the father figure role, biologically, your child deserves to understand their genetic make-up and family medical history if possible. Just think about how your decision ultimately impacts whether or not your child could also have a relationship with another set of grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. As a bonus, the more family members your child has, the more likely you are to find a sitter for when you need a break…!
The Exception
There is just one exception where I would actually advise against telling your ex that you’re pregnant, and that would be if he is abusive in any way. As a mother, it is your job to protect your child from harm and, if you can fully say – without a doubt in your mind – that telling your ex that you are pregnant with his child will bring direct harm to your child, keep the information to yourself. At least for now.
You can do so knowing that you made the choice with your child’s best interests at heart and not for another misguided reason.