Feature Editor
Are you the kind of guy who says whatever comes to mind? If so you may have issues when your partner is pregnant. For the sake of harmony there are some thoughts you should definitely keep to yourself.
Here, for your education (and amusement), are some of the many things that should NOT come out of your mouth during those long, nine months – or ever even.
“Honey, you’re getting fat”
Big mistake. Huge. Of course her body is going to change, she is growing a child inside of her. And that growth doesn’t just affect the stomach area. It can affect many unexpected places such as her hands and feet. Some women balloon up almost immediately but around the fourth month of pregnancy, she’ll begin seriously gaining weight. Her breasts will become larger and probably sag (can’t say I didn’t love this part of pregnancy). Her hips and butt will probably gain extra fat stores in preparation for baby.
These physical changes might be unnerving for you but they’re worse for her. They’ll likely affect her mood and self esteem because she’s lost her former figure.
Tread gently.
If you wake up in the morning and find your wife looking intently in the mirror, just play dead.
She’ll stare you right in the eyes and ask whether she’s got fat. This puts you in a tough spot, because the male brain is genetically designed to call it as it is. Honesty will land you in a cold dark hole of the silent treatment. She hasn’t got fat, she is carrying a baby.
Wise men answer in the following ways:
• “Honey, you haven’t changed”
• “It’s probably the dress you’re wearing,it’s too big.”
• “No you haven’t, you look beautiful”
“You’re Eating Too Much”
Alongside the growth of your unborn child, you’ll notice a tremendous shift in your wife’s appetite. And it’s not just the amount of food that changes. The types of food may be completely different to her usual non pregnant diet. When she wants to eat may also change, especially if she has nausea and sickness.
It’s not unusual for pregnant women to wake up at 3 AM demanding KFC Lemon Chicken. She won’t care that it’s a normal weekday and you have to get up at 5 AM the following day. As a supportive partner, you should step up and go and fetch it.
No matter how annoying it is, a man should never complain about her changing appetite. Even the smallest comment about her eating will instantly make her think that she’s fat. The truth is that she is feeding herself and she is giving nutrients to your unborn child, so always remember that when she demands a particular food you have to travel across town to collect it.
“I’m tired of discussing baby names!”
After visiting the hospital for your first ultrasound scan, your pregnant partner will suddenly have a burning desire to discuss baby names. It’s exciting when you’ve discovered your unborn child’s gender, and more importantly, that he or she is growing perfectly well inside the womb. Both of you will stay up late trying to decide on the name that’s going to define your child’s character and destiny.
Despite settling on a name after the first ultrasound, your pregnant wife will frequently come up with new suggestions. She’ll want you to share the same enthusiasm and you might fake it a couple of times. No matter how annoyed you might get, never tell her that you’re bored discussing names. We are talking about your unborn child here and she WILL take it personally if you show signs of irritation or annoyance..
“I can’t come to the doctor’s appointment”
This is a massive no no. Your partner will need to visit the hospital frequently to monitor the baby’s development. Since many doctors’ appointments involve ultrasound scans, many men deem it unnecessary to keep accompanying their wives to the hospital, and just want to know whether the baby is growing well or not.
Big mistake. This makes you seem unsupportive, and also puts extra stress on your partner, who is going through enough already.
What most husbands and boyfriends ignore (at their peril) is the fact that pregnancy brings about significant hormonal changes, making your partner emotionally vulnerable. Your partner may take it the wrong way when you let her go to the hospital by herself, irrespective of the reason why. She may lash out at you or administer the silent treatment, because your absence means to her that you’re unsupportive. Put yourself in her place and dig deep for some empathy. She needs you right now.
“You’re crying too much”
A pregnant woman is unpredictable; if you return home with the wrong flavor of ice cream she may burst into tears. It doesn’t matter if you try explaining that you visited five different stores in search of her favorite brand,it will all be in vain. As a man, it may seem irrational for a grown woman to cry over ice cream, but you’re missing the point.
What’s the best way of dealing with your pregnant partner when she bursts into tears over irrational stuff?
Keep quiet and give hugs. Big hugs always help.
Complaining about her behavior will lead to arguments because she expects you to understand all the hormonal changes happening inside her body and how little control she has over them.
“I Don’t Want to Talk about the nursery – again!”
Pregnancy seems to instill an overwhelming sense of urgency that can be irritating to deal with for some men. For instance, your wife is only five months pregnant but she’s nagging at you to paint the nursery a shade of baby pink during the coming weekend. She also expects you to accompany her to the furniture store and do some window-shopping for cribs, changing tables and dressers.
If you’d planned a day out fishing, the best approach is to take a few deep breaths before responding. Then, go with it if you can. The nesting instinct is STRONG in women during pregnancy and she’ll be compelled to get everything ready for baby. Talk to her about when your fishing trip can fit around important baby prep. Compromise is best.
The take away
At the core of it all, you just need to remember that pregnancy is a really difficult time for your partner. Whilst she’s looking forward to becoming a mother, she’s also dealing with all manner of changes to her body, as well as roller coaster shaped emotional ups and downs.
Be supportive, be on hand to go the extra mile, and be the best partner you can be.
