Sex after giving birth. It’s on every new Mom’s mind at some point during or after pregnancy.
Will it hurt?
How long until you’ll be able to get intimate with your partner again?
Will it feel less intense?
The questions are endless, and it’s not always easy to ask the other mothers in your life about their experience of sex after birth.
So here are the answers to the questions you wanted to ask.
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How soon after giving birth can you have sex?
It depends.
Physically, it’s recommended that you wait at least 6 weeks after giving birth to give your body time to heal.
But many women don’t feel ready within 6 weeks.
For example, if you had vaginal tearing during birth, had an episiotomy or if you are still experiencing postpartum pain or bleeding, your body might need more time.
That’s OK.
It’s your body, and your body has been through a lot.
The wound left by the placenta is initially as big as a dinner plate and the cervix needs to close up tight again.
You can take the time you need and should not be under any pressure to have intercourse before you feel ready.
Emotional Recovery
But it’s not only physical healing that determines when you want to start having sex again.
Pregnancy, labor and then the early weeks of Momhood mean that you have lots of powerful hormones working in your body, and you’re likely to feel a range of different emotions.
Some women need to take time to recover emotionally from birth too.
Labor can change your perspective on your body, and sexual desire might flat-line for a while.
Equally, some women recover very quickly from birth, both physically and emotionally, and feel intense sexual desire shortly afterwards.
It’s all fine — every new Mom responds differently to the physical, mental and emotional changes that take place.
Listen to your body and to your desire, and try to keep an open conversation going with your partner so that you can find your way back to the bedroom together in your own time.
What does it feel like the first time you have sex after birth?
Again, this depends on how your birth went and how quickly you heal.
In general, it’s normal to expect some discomfort or soreness in your vagina when you first have sex.
It might take a few months for this to ease completely and get back to feeling the same as before you gave birth.
Remember that if it feels painful and you don’t want to continue, you can always tell your partner you want to stop.
It’s important for both of you to respect the huge experience that your body has been through and allow time for recovery.
Will My VJ be the Same as Before?
Some women may feel that their vagina is wider or more loose than usual at least in the first few months after delivery.
It’s also common to feel that the vagina is more dry as well in which case it can be helpful to use lube to make it more comfortable.
And some women find that the vagina feels more tense, and even tighter due to healing stitches after an episiotomy or tearing.
In time though, sex will start to feel normal again.
If it doesn’t, and you continue to struggle with pain or discomfort during sex, talk to your doctor about this and request a check-up.
It’s always worth making sure there are no underlying issues that need medical care.
It takes time to get used to the changes
Lots of new Moms find that they have a changed relationship with their bodies and with sex after having a baby.
It may be a while before you really feel like yourself again, and postnatal depression or anxiety can also affect how you feel about sex.
After giving birth you might feel proud, powerful and strong — or you might feel strange and less sexy.
However you feel, know that you are not alone and that you don’t have to have sex until you are ready.
Talk to your partner and be honest.
You might find that cuddles, talking and sexual touching will help to reignite your passion and make you feel intimately connected with each other without having intercourse right away.
When you do have sex again, take it slow.
Tell your partner beforehand that you’re not sure how it’s going to feel, and if you do need to ask him to stop, curl up for a cuddle and enjoy a few moments of closeness together without sex.
Sources:
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/sex-after-pregnancy/art-20045669
- https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20190214/is-there-a-right-time-for-sex-after-childbirth#1
- https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/ob-gyn/obstetrics/after-delivery/resuming-intimacy.aspx
- https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/vagina-changes-after-childbirth/
- http://www.bumc.bu.edu/sexualmedicine/informationsessions/renewing-your-sex-life-after-childbirth/
- https://www.jognn.org/article/S0884-2175(15)32578-8/fulltext